So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
