and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
