I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
