careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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