She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
