If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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