A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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