Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You need Xanax blowdarts
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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