The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
