Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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