she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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