I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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