Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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