Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
