this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
