She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
