No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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