how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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