hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
