I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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