My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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