Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize