Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
