i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
