Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
