Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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