I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're like the curious george of whores
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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