mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
