There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
