i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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