Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
