oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
