some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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