addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
