So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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