Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
