rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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