you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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