I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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