Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize