remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
