I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
