Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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