i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize