i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
