just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
