I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm like, not good at living.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
