i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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