I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
