New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
