It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
