well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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