I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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