just tell him i said nine months
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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