your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Operation Purity has been aborted
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
