worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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