What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
