I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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