I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
