oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
