He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
