We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
