Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
