So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
