the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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