So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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