So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
