Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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