I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize