dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
