He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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